The first Success

Success on the first day. Barley grass and lots of water made up breakfast and a mid morning drink then a green smoothie with lots of berries was lunch, sweet peas dipped in hummus made for wonderful snacking in the afternoon and for dinner we all had quick fried veggies on pita bread.  Honestly I wasn't hungry once and all the food was delicious.
The best part is tonight I don't have any heartburn.  :-)

Hallelujah!!

About six years ago during a health scare I embraced a Raw Vegan lifestyle for about 5 months.  The program I followed is called the "Hallelujah Diet"started by the Rev. George Malkmus way back in 1976.
http://www.hacres.com/home
It's a pretty basic vegan program, no animal anything, and 85% of your diet must be raw!
Malkmus, and a lot of the others I follow, are of the theory that it is the live enzymes in our food that actually nourish our bodies and therefor cooked food is lacking at best.
During the time I was following the Hallelujah program I lost a lot of weight and felt better than ever, which was remarkable considering my diagnosis of cancer.  After being poked, prodded and scanned from every angle I was given a clean bill of health.
Praise God and carrot juice! :-)
But the very dumb ending to this little story is that I have not stuck with the program, I have put on a lot of weight my energy level is low and I feel awful all the time.

Well I am sick and tired of being sick and tired so I am embracing the program again.

Yep, and I need all my friends to rally round and keep me accountable. I am setting a very realistic goal of three months to begin with, that will take me to Kimberly's wedding.  After that I hope to be so motivated that I make this my life choice and not just an occasional program to visit.Thanks in advance for your help and encouragement, I will keep you posted of my progress and maybe in the process motivate some of you too. 

My Christmas letter (Christmas Magic)

  I Love magic and fantasy!
I  always  have, I love mythical tales of of magical forest creatures and fairies and elves, of very wise talking animals and always "they lived happily ever after".   I love all the fantasy and wonder of outer space, Star Trek and the Star War's stories of the force and of course good always  conquering evil.
My family even has a way of rating movies, "this is a Renee movie", meaning it has a happy ending or "definitely Not a Renee movie", if things don't go so good.
This past year my life seemed like a real life HallMark movie, our "situation" was Crystal and her surprise pregnancy, the "dilemma" came when we found out Olivia had HLHS, our "journey" took us to medical specialists, a special hospital, to the NICU and Ronald McDonald House but then the "ending" came, we didn't get the Renee ending.  We didn't conquer her broken heart, we didn't triumph and I was shocked and devastated by her loss.
It has been a little over four months now and I confess my recovery is going slow, I've searched for the answers in all different places, some places so silly I've laughed (people really believe this junk?) and some places I do not wish to revisit ever again,  but all the places I've been looking have not held the answers I need so I've pulled the covers up over my head, (life sucks) I just can't process this reality.  Do very bad things really happen to good people?
Today a friend of mine shared the above link to the song "O Holy Night".  I listened and I cried, then I listened again, and I cried again and then I realized, Our Story Hasn't Ended, there is still the hope of God's Christmas Magic because in the grand scheme of things Good Has conquered evil.
It's all coming together for me (somebody's been praying).
My life is like a HallMark movie but a much bigger one than I have been focusing on,we are still in the middle dilemma part of our story as long as we are here on this broken earth. The ending of the movie comes at our death and we Will Live Happily Ever After.  Olivia is healed and whole and in perfect peace in Heaven and I will see her again when my story here is through.
We win because of God's Christmas Magic,"Oh Holy Night" because of Jesus Christ, our Savior.
Please watch this video and follow the lyrics and feel the Christmas magic.
Merry Christmas to all of my friends and family, and many, many wishes for a much better Year in 2011.

Winter Solstice 2010 Marks Shortest Day

This highly oblique image of northwestern African captures the curvature of the Earth and shows its atmosphere (Photo credit: NASA)

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Updated: Tuesday, 21 Dec 2010, 9:57 AM EST
Published : Tuesday, 21 Dec 2010, 9:56 AM EST

(CANVAS STAFF REPORTS) - Today at 6:38 p.m. EST marks the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year and the beginning of winter.

The winter solstice is the start of winter in the Northern Hemisphere and marks the point when the north pole is tilted farther from the sun than at any other point in the year.

The winter solstice is the shortest day of the year, though the exact hours of daylight will vary according to region. The number of daylight hours depends on latitude and the day of the year. For example, New York City will have only 9 hours, 15 minutes, 5 seconds of daylight, according to the Math Forum .

Daylight hours will begin to increase each day going forward.

The celebration of the winter solstice has been observed for centuries, predating Christianity and celebrations of Christmas. As The History Channel reported, cultures in Europe and Scandinavia celebrated the dark days of winter and the winter solstice.

The Norse of Scandinavia commemorated the winter solstice with the men bringing home large, wooden logs and setting them on fire. Traditionally, the family would then feast, until the fire burned out. That could take up to 12 days.

Ancient Romans would celebrate for a full month surrounding the winter solstice, honoring what they referred to as a god called Saturn with the holiday of Saturnalia. Today, the Winter Solstice is still observed and celebrated by many cultures and by people of various faiths throughout the world.

This year, a lunar eclipse fell on the winter solstice for the first time since 1638, according to National Geographic . This morning the earth passed between the sun and the moon, creating a reddish-yellow, bronze-like shadow over the moon, which was best be seen from North America and South America.

joy and Love

Picture Joy Christmas

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Old Sally

Rest In Peace Sally 

Our old dear friend Sally left us today to go where all very good and loyal pets go after they have given everything they have to improve our lives.   Is that place Heaven?  I don't know for sure and really do not want to debate with anyone.  I remember years ago when a Catholic school teacher really upset my oldest boy after his cat died.  I had suggested to him that A.J. (the cat) was now in Heaven with Papa Gus (my dad), that thought comforted Kenny and when he shared it at school this particular teacher sent my 9 year old son home in tears with her theory. Not nice..  What does it hurt to believe that your very best friend in the world is in the best place you can think of?  

Sally and her boy a few years ago

I myself am choosing to think that Sally, who let everyone of my grandchildren pull her ears and kiss her nose has now met Olivia in Heaven and that both of them are happier and healthier than we who are left behind here can imagine.

Sally was thirteen years old and has been ours since her and Caleb were both babies.  Crystal brought Sally and her 8 siblings home in a laundry basket, from the pet store she worked at so they wouldn't be turned into the pound.  We worked real hard to find homes for all of them except little Sally the runt.     She was always what we called soft lipped, a very gentle spirit and perfect family dog.  She was Caleb's best friend and always slept in his bed until this last year or so when the jumping became too much for her old bones but she still slept in his room.  These last 3 nights she when was just too weak to make it up the stairs, Caleb slept downstairs with her instead.  He hand fed her left over turkey and helped to carry her outside to go potty.  I am very proud of him.  

Sally will be missed.

Laughing for the camera...  :-)

   

The Holidays and History

Caleb and I are studying ancient history this year and I am finding it, as I do all history, very interesting.  I have recently become especially interested in the origins of  our holidays.   I just did a  study on Halloween, All Hallows Eve (the eve before All Saints Day), Samhain, the Celtic observance of the end of summer, kind of like our Harvest Festivals.  A lot of legends and traditions are mixed into this day to bring us trick or treating, wearing masks and carving Jack-O-Lanterns. Very interesting stuff, some things things that make you say hmmmm but not really an exceptionally evil beginning.

Of course Thanksgiving is a no brainer on its beginnings, all of us have read "Squanto", but how it actually became a national Holiday is interesting;
http://tarrytown.patch.com/articles/everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-thanksgiving-but-were-afraid-to-ask-2

Now I have started looking into the origin of Christmas, Wow, Very interesting stuff here, how did I get to be 53 years old believing in so many things that are not true?  No Santa? Really? (haha jk) It seems  that Christmas tradition is really a hodge podge of all sorts of old pagan Druid celebrations that "the Church" tried to get the people to forget by introducing the celebration of the Christ Child's birth  (that was not really even in December!).
I am really a little put off at the thought of being spoon fed these very nice ideals that are untruths made up by some old bishops during the time of the Roman persecution, and I am feeling rather moronic that I have so staunchly defended "keeping Christ in Christmas" when He really is not the "reason for the season", that would be the Roman Saturnalia, a winter festival that marked the winter solstice- the return of the sun-and honored Saturn, the god of sowing. Pretty crazy huh?


Now, no need to worry, I nor any of the family will be wearing togas on Dec. 25th this year and none of this has anything to do with my belief in the Gospel truths surrounding the birth of Christ, the Messiah. Please don't call an exorcist. lol  I am just stating that for me knowing the 'true' history of things is very important. 

Heaven

Jesus, the loving Shepherd

Growing up in the Catholic Church I was always surrounded by pictures of Jesus and for the most part I found them very reassuring.
Being an animal lover from my very earliest memory made this picture of Jesus loving the little lamb  always my favorite.  I had heard and understood the story of the good shepherd leaving his flock of 99 to search for the missing 1 early in my childhood and it left me feeling safe and cared for.  I also had a very sweet Grandmother who lived with us until I was ten and she loved to make Bible stories come alive. She had a French Canadian background and always spoke Jesus in French which sounds so sweet and endearing.
So the thought of Heaven being some awesome family farm in the country where a very kind French Jesus tends to all the animals is the sweet picture I had for most of my young life.

Laughing Jesus!

I love to laugh.  Some of my best memories are of times where I laughed till I cried at a story being told by someone in my family, we all love to laugh.  I know my Mom taught me how to see the humor in life, she would just look at me and raise an eyebrow in a questioning kind of way and I would crack up, then we would both crack up and oh how good it would feel to just let the endorphins flow.  We laugh a lot at this house, it's probably the biggest thing our in-law children have had to get used to, hardly a dinner goes by without some old (or new) funny story, usually about a sibling, coming to light then it happens, loud, head tossing, knee slapping laughter.  Nothing is better.
I like to think about Jesus laughing, sitting around a fire with is dearest friends and telling some funny story, (did you see that Pharisee trip over his robe today?) and everybody laughing until the tears rolled.  Sometimes you just have to laugh, even in troubled times.


Our sweet baby Olivia went to Heaven 73 days
 ago, she has been gone as long as she was here and I still miss her so much. I catch myself looking at babies in the stores and thinking "she would be that size now", "she would be doing these things now".
 I still think about her a lot.  One of the things I think about is what is she doing in Heaven? What is Heaven like for a baby?
The Bible does say some things about Heaven but nothing I can really wrap my head around, streets of gold, diamond and sapphire cities, many mansions, winged worshipers. Nothing I can really get a picture of, nothing I can relate to. I just really wish I could get a glimpse.
Yesterday I got this picture in an email from one of my cousins, I really like this one.  So today when I think of Olivia being in Heaven the picture I have is of a very happy little girl sitting with a very kind and loving Jesus, I think maybe he is telling her a story about a little sheep on a french farm and any minute now they are both going to burst out in uncontrollable giggles.  That sounds like Heaven to me.

Shamu Family Fun Walk

Team Livie's Heart!

Today was the Shamu Family Fun Walk to benefit Rady Children's Hospital.
Rady is where Olivia was treated.
We are Team Livie's Heart;  we are 88 strong and we raised close to $4,000.00 for the hospital.
What a Kick!
We are not special or famous, we are just a family that had a very sick baby, who went to heaven after only 73 days with us.  But she inspired us and look what has come of it!
Old friends reunited, Cary it was so great to see you again and to meet your family. New friends like Heather and Brooke who are now just like family.  Family that has been absent but is now back like Tiffany and her beautiful children and new friends like Beka and Rachel who we share a special spot with as they continue their journeys and challenges with their special little ones, and really way too many more to mention here.
Thank you all for being a part of my life

My beautiful daughter, Crystal my hero...

Papa and Evie, ready to Go!

Now that the "race" is over I'm a little numb, not only because I've been up since 4AM!  But, what next?  Olivia's journey has taken me places I didn't know I could go, I have learned things that I didn't even know I didn't know! These last seven months have been so consumed with so much emotion and now it seems so quiet.

Crystal, Kim, Me and Heather

Next weekend we start looking for a place for Kimmie and Ed's wedding in the spring.  I am so happy for them and so excited about another wedding (aka a GREAT reason to party).

So I guess for now I will try to appreciate the lull in activity and rest up, the adventures are never too far apart at "Mammy's House".

"Mammy, I don't feel good"

Every mother knows the feeling of being woken up with the words "Mommy, I don't feel good"....  Oh how I hate those words!  It has been my experience over the last 33 years that that statement is the preliminary to at least 24 hours of agony. Yes for both the child murmuring and Mommy, or in this case Mammy.
Erik and I have 8 children spread over 19 years, we categorize them into two groups, the "big" kids; Kenny, Crystal, Kelly, Mike and Kim, and the "younger" kids; Shawn, Katie and Caleb.  We really have raised one family and are now raising another one as well as now being pretty active with grandkids too.  All that to say, I have heard this statement many times.
When my "big" kids were young they were great about being sick in the right spot.  I had them trained to run to the bathroom BEFORE they came into my room to announce their tummy troubles.  I was very spoiled.
Our younger kids have not been so kind.  Shawn and Katie could never make it to the bathroom to save their little souls, maybe they were such sound sleepers they just woke up too late.  

Feel better soon Macen....

Caleb was born with an immature esophagus and that is just a whole other story but we were able to train him to grab a trash can on his way.

This morning my grandson Macen, who is spending the weekend here, woke up early.  I was already up and just knew my day had taken a turn when his first words were "Mammy, I don't feel good"!  He was telling the truth.  So here we are 4 hours later, Papa has already made the emergency run to the store for 7-up, the washer and dryer are in full force and sweet, sweet Macey Boy is back asleep on the couch.  I seem to be having a lot of Dejavu lately, I wonder if that is just what happens when we get older.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. Albert Einstein..(1879 - 1955)

A long time ago one of my favorite self quotes was "reality is an illusion".  Maybe I had heard the Albert Einstein quote but I can't really say.  It makes perfectly good sense to me.  We all pick the reality we want to live in and project but it does not make it true.

Turf the perfect terrier

 I can say that my dogs are perfect, to me they are,
but to someone else their shedding and barking would disqualify them as their "perfect" pet.
See my reality is really also my illusion.
Hmmmm, just thinkin.

Four Funerals and a Wedding!

Kimmy and Ed are getting married!

It is with great excitement that I can now
say Kimberly, our child # 5 is engaged!
Ed has been "in the family" for a while
now so he knows what we are all about
and still his love for Kim won out.  ;-)


We (as a family) have gone through and done a lot this last year, I absolutely can not believe it was barely a year ago that Crystal and I ran the Disney Half Marathon, that Erik and I flew to Tenn. where our grand daughter, Selah was in Children's Hospital, that 10 months ago we found out that Crystal was pregnant with Olivia, that 9 months ago we remodeled two upstairs bedrooms and 19 year old Shawn moved back home, that 7 months ago we found out Olivia was coming with a heart defect, that 5 months ago my sweet cousin Debbie passed away, that 3.5 months ago Olivia was born and that 4.5 weeks ago she went to heaven, that 2.5 weeks ago we found out Crystal was expecting again, that Jerry K and Uncle Hank were both laid to rest this month, that just 5 days ago we found out Kelly is expecting again and tonight Kim got engaged!
Holy Moly!

I think having a big family is fabulous, eight children, all wonderful sweet kids with awesome spouses and perfect children.   I am so blessed.
This last year has been harder than most but I feel the tide turning now, thank you Jesus for the change of seasons, not just wonderful fall (my favorite) but the seasons of life too.
I am excited about looking ahead.

Kim and Ed, engaged!

DeJaVue

Selah Jo at almost 1year.

Happy 1st Birthday Selah Jo


Today is my grand daughter Selah Jo's first birthday. Unfortunately Selah lives in Mississippi so we can't join in her big party,but we will have our own party for her when she visits in November.

Selah's "birth" day!

Last year when Selah was born we were all so happy, Kelly and Nathan already had Judah and Eli and were so happy to get their little princess. We had had a scare early in Kelly's pregnancy when the Drs thought there might be a problem but she had been cleared of those issues and things were looking rosy.
At least for 24hrs; everything was going just fine  but then the Drs. discovered Selah had a heart defect. Oh how I remember getting the call that she was being air lifted to a children's hospital. Kelly was so scared and so were we.  Erik and I and Kimberly were able to catch a red eye flight out that night to be with Kelly and Nathan while Selah went through all the tests.
Poor baby Selah, poor Mommy and Daddy and poor us.  There is nothing fun about having a sick baby.  

Judah and Eli 

We did have a little silver lining in getting to see the grand boys again after about a year. Oh how I love little boys, so full of life and energy.  It sure isn't easy not being close to them.

Well the Drs decided that Selah didn't need the surgery they thought she would and they were able to fix her main problem in a cath lab procedure.  What a relief, she may need more attention as she grows but for right now Selah is OK.  After a tearful goodbye Papa and I were back on a plane to California, leaving a little piece of our hearts in Mississippi.

The following weekend after we got back Justus and Crystal celebrated their anniversary weekend and I stayed with Ezra and Evie.  I love staying with my grandkids for the weekend. We always do things that Mom and Dad don't do!  Usually the first night we skip the bath time routine, we stay up late eating popcorn or pizza or something fun and watch movies until everybody is asleep on the floor. Being a Grandma is really the BEST thing ever.

Well it wasn't too long after that anniversary weekend that we found out Crystal was pregnant with our precious Olivia, little did we know then that in less than one year we would be sitting in a Children's Hospital again.  Most of you know that Olivia's story did not go like Selah's, Selah got to come home after 3 weeks and Olivia went home to heaven after 73 days. We lost more than just a little piece of our heart this time.

Mammie's Ez!!

Now, I am sitting here again at Crystal and Justus's, they are on their anniversary weekend get away, Selah Jo is one year old and doing well, Crystal is pregnant, Ezra and Evie got a new puppy and yes we did skip the bath routine tonight and we ate pizza and everybody fell asleep on the floor.
This last year we have been through a lot as a family
but right this very minute
 "Life is good".

Oh Happy Day

Oh the Joy!  The joy I felt when I opened this little box.  Crystal and Justus are having another baby.  She hasn't seen the Dr. yet but calculates the baby to be here in April.
We are all rejoicing!

And today as well as rejoicing we were also painting.  Evie's room got a fresh coat of "purpleishis and twinkle toe".  Oh my goodness it is so cute and sweet in there you could get a toothache!

Evie is wondering what part of "Princess " I don't understand..

That sewing machine is old but
still get the job done!

Of course in this family nobody gets a free pass
so Ezra and Evie got busy with the brushes helping
daddy while Crystal was sewing new curtains.

Ezra, daddy's helper.

Next week the new toddler bed and reading tent should be here.
I can hardly wait to curl up on the new purple pillows and read to these cutie pies..
I am a lucky Mammy!
Proverbs 17:6 "Grandchildren are the crown of old men (and women)"

Join us in a "Walk for Livie's Heart"

Every since Olivia went to heaven I have been thinking that I have to write my last blog with the label "Olivia". Well its been almost two weeks and I just haven't been able to do it.  I don't really like to close chapters of my live.
Then tonight I thought, I don't really have to close this chapter, Olivia lives strong in our memory and in her memory we are going to join the "4th annual Shamu and You Family Walk" to benefit Rady Children's Hospital.
Crystal has started team "Livie's Heart" we are trying to get 50 people to be on our team so that we can all have a T-shirt with our team name and a team pop up the day of the event.  October 2, in San Diego on the bay and by Sea-world.  I'm very excited.  We already have about 20 people so if you read this and your not signed up, Please Do!  Even it you don't walk the $27.00 registration fee will go to a very good cause; the hospital that took such good care of our precious Olivia.
Please Visit the following site and support our team, Olivia's team, Team Livie's Heart.

http://ShamuAndYouWalk.kintera.org/liviesheart

August 14th, Saying good bye to Olivia

On Saturday Aug. 14th at 4:30 in the afternoon we had to say good bye to our dear sweet Olivia, after 73 days of fighting Olivia went to be with Jesus.  Now she is twirling in heaven and her pain has given way to rejoicing.  We were fortunate to spend the whole day surrounded by family and special friends like Pastor Josh and Mackensie.
Sunday we packed up Ronald McDonald House and came home.  Crystal and Justus are comforting each other and enjoying Ezra and Evangeline.
I want to thank everybody who so diligently kept up with this blog and checked fb so you could pray for her and us.  God did not choose to heal Olivia here but your prayers did not go unheard. We were held up by your love.
There will be a celebration of that love and Olivia's life on Saturday Aug. 21st at New Song Calvary Chapel in Lake Elsinore at 11AM followed by a potluck lunch with lots of love and fellowship.
Everybody is welcome.

Aug. 8th Harvest Crusade 2010

Sixteen years ago this weekend I went forward at  the Harvest Crusade at Jack Murphy Stadium. Wow, time flys.  I remember the message, Christ coming into your heart for a visit, no need to clean up first, He will do the work for you. Out with the green shag carpet and lava lamps and in with the new. It made sense to me, I gave my heart to Him.
Erik and I had been living together for about two years and he decided it was time to get married, so get married we did.  August 20th it will be 16years married, 18 years together.
Oh my gosh, so much water under the bridge, it has not been easy raising 8 kids in a combined family but we have come through without too many battle scars.
We are on the home stretch now, only Caleb, 'our' baby, is under 18 but we still have three under our roof, all loving the Lord.

Harvest Crusade 2010 NoseBleed Section!

Last night we went to the Harvest Crusade in Anaheim, OC Supertones were there, it took us back to the old "Spirit West Coast" days in Monterey CA. Good Times!
Now we are praying for our sweet grand daughter Olivia, lots of prayers. lots and lots of prayers.  My faith is being  challenged and put through the test.
Tonight the message of this years Harvest is "Why Suffering?"  I will be listening on the internet. I need this question answered.  I am praying, He will show me something I can understand.....

The Big Tree Falls (Aug. 3rd)

Yesterday at home in Lake Elsinore the day started with a crack, a rumble, a crash and a horn and that is never a good combination. 

Penelope on our roof

As most of you know we live at the base of the Ortega Hwy, we actually have a country feel about our area with a lot of wildlife (remember the baby hawks last year and Penelope Peacock?) and huge California Oak trees all around our property.

A few months ago we had a very large limb of one of the trees split, in slow motion and come to rest on top of our garage!  We were so fortunate that the split took a couple of days and there was no damage to any of our properity.  We have some pretty great neighbors that came to our rescue with chain saws before the tree came all the way down

Big limb coming down on our garage

Well yesterday we weren’t so luckey, or should I say our neighbors weren’t.

About 8AM the five hundred year old oak that sits exactly on our fence line split, and half of the tree came down on our neighbors garage, our back shed, fence and about a six foot section of our eves. There garage is a total loss, the car had to be towed away but is fixable, our shed and fence are done but our eve and and roof are reparable.

Kelly who was just visiting from Mississippi thought we were having an earthquake and headed for a door jam, Kim who was sitting on the couch about four feet from where the tree landed in our side yard will probably never be the same. Erik who was up stairs on the other side of the house thought a car missed the cornor and went through our neighbors house! I guess it was pretty exciting!  Praise God no one was hurt!  

We have been told that the oak had beetles, Yikes! We have three more huge trees on our property!  Definitley time to call in an expert.  The problem is these California Oak Trees are “protected”!  Yup, it is criminal to cut one down and you have to have a special permit from the state to even trim them!  But try to obtain a permit and its the big  government run around.  Several years ago we had to have one removed because it was lifting our foundation; after seven months of letters and phone calls to everybody from Lake Elsinore to Sacramento we finally had to find a trimmer who would “just do it” and come to find out, Keven and Shelly, our neighbors had a trimmer come out for an estimate a few months back and were told “its to hard to obtain a permit”, the guy didn’t even want the job.  Crazy huh?  These trees are so “protected” that peoples lifes are in danger, the government has made it so difficult that our hands are tied, trim and be fined, don’t trim and be squished!

Now Erik is in the midst of 3 different property owners and their insurance companys as well as the government trying to figure who is going to be responsible for and pay for cleaning up this huge mess.  

Good luck Babe!

Olivia Two months and counting....

Olivia was 2 months old yesterday, she will be 9 weeks tomorrow.

Olivia is still in bed 31 in the NICU and we are still at Ronald McDonald House across the street from Rady Children's Hospital in San Diego.  Not too much has changed.
After two open heart surgeries and a huge amount of intensive care our little Olivia is not really where the doctors would like to see her.  The surgery was successful but Olivia is weak and she is having some trouble with a lot of different internal organs. She is still considered very critical and we are still praying for a miracle.
She is the sweetest little peanut with such expressive eyes. We all love her so much


Evangeline turned two on July 24th and we had a big fun party for her here at the house, it is not easy "getting on with life" while we know Livie is so sick but we must.  We had pizza and a princess cake and friends and family all show up to celebrate Princess Evangeline. Thank you God for the many blessings you have given us.

Pizza, presents and a princess cake= A Perfect Party!

Aunt Kelly and cousin Selah surprised us with a little 4 day visit this last week. Oh how sweet it was to see them. I picked them up at the San Diego airport on Friday night, we had a whirlwind weekend in Lake Elsinore and then two days of visiting in San Diego and then off again.
I want to say a special Thank You to the family that made this trip possible, you are a huge blessing to my family.

Auntie Kelly and "Cuzwlynn Selah"

Now we start our third month, school is starting at the end of Aug. and I will have to be changing my schedule, Caleb is a freshman in high school this year and I am teaching two classes so we won't be spending as much time down here, I know we will work it out but I am already feeling separation anxiety

July 30th Happy Birthday Baa!

Today is my mom's birthday, she is 71 years young and I am so thankful that God gave me to her and her to me.  I am an only child born to a young mother and I grew up with her not only my mom but a good friend too, we've been through a lot together and through all of this with Olivia her and my dad have been right here with us.  They really are amazing, now this week she has gotten the bad news that her older brother is very ill. Knowing someone you love is suffering is not easy if they are 85yrs or 58days. I wish I could be with her today I am praying for her stay strong and faithful and to be blessed today.

July 20th (Our50thday)

It is incredible to think that we have been Olivia's journey for 50 days. Both ways, I feel like I have known her forever, she holds such a place in my heart. but yet I remember her birth like it we just yesterday.
Today she is not doing so well, Crystal and Justus will meet with doctors again this afternoon and try to understand her plan, try to wrap their heads and hearts around where we are.
Last Monday there was a heart support group meeting here at the house, we are lucky to have those who have gone this route before stop to encourage.

Olivia; July 9th

Friday again, another week gone.

Olivia is still holding her own, she is taking things slow and easy so we must follow her lead.  She is still in the process of being weaned off of the ventilator and her swelling is much better.  We are in the slow and steady phase of Olivia's journey.
I've talked about marathon training a couple of times before and I can't help think about that again now, the time in the race when you've been out for a while, the bands and cheering family and friends are behind you now and really all you can hear is the rhythm of your own feet pounding the street.  This is the time when your only running for yourself, you have to dig really deep to keep going here because this is the long phase of the race and you can't see the finish line, you just keep going because you know that it is the right thing to be doing.
That's where I feel like we are, its not really a bad place to be, it just feels long. The days kind of run into each other without event, Crystal walks over and sits with Olivia, she walks back and is mommy to Ezra and Evie, she eats, rests, and walks over and sits with Olivia again.
Even though I am going through this too it's different for me, I get to go home for the weekend again, I'll be picking Katie up in Mission Viejo because her car is in the shop, Caleb has another youth event to be taken to, Erik and I might go to dinner or a movie and my house "stuff" is always waiting. I get to touch normal. 
Please keep Crystal and Justus in you prayers that they are able to stay strong during this time.

Isaiah 40: 26-31
26 Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.
27 O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
28 Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
29 He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
30 Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

Olivia July 7th

Today was the day Olivia had her chest closed... What a great day for us, this is really the turn around day.  We knew coming into this that Olivia had HLHS and would require surgery, but we had no idea that she would need a month for her kidneys and lungs to develop and to get strong and we didn't know she would need a surgery before her surgery. We didn't even know that her chest would be left open for a whole week after her surgery but all that is behind us now. The surgery is holding and doing its job, she is all sewen up and I think we are on the healing end of this phase of our journey.  Olivia still has a lot of healing to do, we've been told to expect it to take 8 weeks and I am not so naive to believe that there won't be a setback or two along the way but tonight I am relieved to have made it to here.
Crystal and Justus are with her now, after the surgery today Crystal could only see her for a few minutes twice, it is hard on a mommy not being able to hold and love on her baby, its impossible on a mommy not being able to even see her baby.
As soon as Olivia is extubated, hopefully tonight or tomorrow Crystal should be able to hold her again.  Ahhh the sweet mother and child reunion...

Earthquake

Well today we had another good sized earthquake here in southern Cal. 5.9 centered not far from here in Borrego Springs.  Definitely an eye opener but such a funny story to go with it.
Ezra and I were sitting on the bed watching the movie "Good Boy" it starts with a space ship landing and the boy hero thinking there was an earthquake.  Ezra wants to know "what was that?" I answer an earthquake and Crystal explains "Ezra  probably doesn't know what that is, he's never really felt a big one. " Not two minutes later Ezra got to feel a BIG one. Hahahaha
The Ronald McDonald House sits on top of a six story parking garage that was built with earthquakes in mind I'm sure, this place sways like a hammock.  We had a good sized quake last month but it wasn't as loud or as shaky as this one and the kids were sleeping.
During today's quake we saw people scatter like bugs outside our window, some of the Hawaiians that are staying here went running and we laughed that they were probably waiting for the volcano, wrong thing to say in front of Ezra, now he is convinced "a volcano is coming". 
Anyway, all is well and now we have something fun to talk about.

July 6th Olivia

Well if everything goes as planned Olivia will have the surgery to close her chest tomorrow.  She has finally gotten enough of the fluid off of her little body to make this possible, PTL. She should also be able to be extubated after this procedure, that will be really great, it has been seven days.  Then let the healing begin.  Crystal took a picture of her today and shared it with me. It made me cry to see my sweet little princess so swollen and  bruised. None of this seems fair.

Olivia; July 5th

Another Monday and here I am back at Ronald McDonald House.  Olivia is about the same, a little better. The doctors are really working to get the swelling off of her so they can close her chest.  Crystal says she now has some definition to her legs and arms so it must be working.  All of her numbers are a little better and they are weaning her off of things but I don't have all the info to repeat for you.  I do know she is still very "delicate" so they are going very slow with everything they are doing.

Today we got a surprise when my cousin Gayle and her daughter Tiffany stopped by for a visit. Tiffany lives down here and it was her 21st birthday yesterday so Gayle and Randy were visiting her.  It was nice to see somebody from home.  Since I forgot to get a picture of them when they were here today I'm posting one from a camping trip last year.  Camping, I can hardly wait for that this year...

I've been Lucky enough to have gone home a few weekends now but Crystal will have been here for 5 weeks tomorrow. That's a long time, we are so thankful for this place to stay.
So, not much news on Olivia tonight but as always no news is good news;
My reading today brought me to a passage on patience and I thought as I have asked all of you to be praying for Olivia please also be praying for us, I have never been a very patient person and God is really working on me, I could use your prayers, Paul put it very well in Colossians 1:9-14
 9 So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. 13 For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, 14 who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins.
Thank you again, it is good knowing we have so many standing with us.

July 3rd Rollercoaster Rides

Way back in the beginning of our Olivia journey someone (I have no idea who) told us that  having a "heart" baby is like being on a roller coaster, the highs are very high and exciting and the lows are very low and scary. The trick is for us to stay steady and focused during the ride. Hmmmm.
Olivia is one month and one day old, I thought I had this down, "not too high, slow your role, Renee." "Not too low, stay positive"...   But today we had it all, this morning I got word that Olivia was peeing!  Yeah! Yesterday she was so puffy they had to cut off her arm band, now the swelling was going  down. The surgeon is satisfied with where she is at and her oxygen is being lowered.  All good news, I was on top of the world.  No worries mate!
Then this afternoon I got a call from Crystal that Olivia was crashing, at least her blood pressure was.  Crystal went to see her and the NICU was closed we have seen this before when a baby is in trouble, The Dr's and nurses scurry, machines are pushed around and you can just feel the tension rising in the room, all the visitors are escorted out.  It has never been for Livie before. 
You know that feeling you get when your going down the really big hill on the roller coaster, that feeling when your stomach is in your mouth and you want to scream and cry but you know you just have to hold on?... That's exactly how I felt. Exactly.
My adrenaline kicked in, fight or flight?  I chose to fight the only way I know how, I called my church prayer line, my mom called her groups, I text family and friends and they text family and friends. Justus and his parents were doing the same thing.  I believe within minutes hundreds of people were praying with one purpose, Olivia.
The cardiologist has talked to Crystal, The echo cardiogram showed that the surgery is sound, they believe this to be the result of too much fluid loss too quickly (all that peeing) This can be controlled with IV fluids and less diuretics.  Thank you Jesus.
The doctors have said all along that Olivia is delicate, she needs to be treated gingerly and she likes to take things slow.
Slow and easy, that is how Mammy likes it too, in fact I hate roller coasters!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice: Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with Thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:4-7
Thank you all who prayed, have been praying and will be praying, this ride is not over yet but "The Lord is near."

July 2nd: 1 day post op

This is all of the equipment around Olivia during her early recovery. PTL for such wonderful technology to help our little Princess.

Crystal and Justus were able to visit Olivia several times today and each time Crystal says she is looking better, pinker, and pinker is better. She underwent another procedure to remove packing that had been left in, intentionally, she doesn't need that anymore and that is good. She is still having some trouble with her kidneys so please keep praying that she can get rid of the extra fluid that is making other things harder for her.

I am home now for the weekend, Auntie Kaitlyn stayed with the kids today and they had a wonderful time with her, it has been so long and they were all blessed by each others company. Baa and Papa and Auntie Kimmy also left today so now it is just the little family left at RMcDHouse. I pray that they can find some time to rest and enjoy each others company this weekend.
Crystal promises to call me tomorrow or text with any updates but in the mean time I am back at the Mom post in good old L.E. Costco is done, laundry is going, Caleb needs to be taken to a student council event, Shawn is on his way to Bible study and I think Erik and I will go to a movie. I love getting lost in action fantasy flicks so I will let you know how we like "Knight and Day" tomorrow.
Thank you friends for your constant support and prayers, I so appreciate you all.

July 1st, Surgery Day

Papa and Evangeline waiting for news......






Today was the day of Olivia's big open heart surgery, the Norwood procedure. Olivia was taken into surgery at 7am and we didn't hear back from the hospital until 3pm. Today was a long day.


Olivia tolerated her surgery well and her Dr. was able to do everything he set out to do. Now we are on the road to recovery but it is going to be a long journey.


We have known from the beginning that this is a marathon, I remember early on in the diagnosis thinking about last year when Crystal and I ran the Disney 1/2 Marathon, how we had to train at different levels and then rest in between, so we could start it all over again the next day. Today was like running a hill and tonight we have all hit our own personal walls the adrenaline is gone and we are tired but tomorrow is another day and we will go on.

Crystal and Justus were able to see Olivia for a few minutes 3 times this evening. They can't talk at her bedside because when she hears mommy's voice her blood pressure goes up. She knows Crystal is there.

As little as Olivia is she has a job to do in this race too, and that is to heal and grow stronger and for now the way to do that is to rest so tonight we will leave her to do that as we all hold her up in prayer.

June 28th

Olivia is wonderful. I was able to hold and love on her for an hour and a half today, it was so sweet.
The surgery date is official now, Thursday July 1st. This will be the big surgery that will get her on the road to recovery so we are all relieved to finaly have it scheduled... but..... it is also a very scary time for us as it is a "big" surgery for such a little girl. I am sure that Crystal will be spending as much time as possable with her in the next few days and I think she is going to try to get Evangeline in to see her too. Please keep us in your prayers.

June 25th

Every day Olivia is getting bigger and stronger, she is over 6lbs now and is off of almost everything but her heart medicine. Wednesday she will be 4 weeks old and ready for her big surgery, Crystal got the "unofficial" word this morning that the surgery should be by the end of next week. She was able to hold her for about two hours this morning and it was a very sweet time for them both, Livie is very responsive to her mommy's voice and vocalizes back. :-) It's so weird , I feel like it was yesterday that we were celebrating Memorial Day with the family at home and yet it feels like I've lived here for a year. I will head home this weekend, Saturday Justus will take the kids to a wild life encounter provided by the "Starlight Foundation" and Grandad and Nana Kessler will visit here on Sunday. Thank You All for the prayers and good wishes and not tiring of standing in the gap for us, so many prayers have already been answered in Olivia's little life, her kidneys are functioning and her lungs are working, both miracles in their own right considering how we started. PTL! I am asking again for you prayer warriors to remember us as Olivia faces this "big" surgery, I will have more details later but "The Norwood" is an extensive procedure and Olivia and the doctors will need our prayers more than ever. This week I have read and re read Luke 18, he has a lot to say about prayer and persistnce and children and healing... The chapter starts with "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." and the chapter ends with "When all the people saw it, they also praised God." Check it out. :-)

June 23rd

Not to much to report on little Livie, no new news on her surgery we are just in a holding pattern untill all of her numbers get lined up just right. She was off a little again today so we just wait... Crystal visits her during the days, Justus comes in the evenings, we all have dinner here at the house then mommy and daddy visit her together at night. Justus leaves early in the morning for the commute to work and we start all over again. Psalm 5:3 Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly. Today we had several people from "carmax" come to help with lunch and play with the kids, that was a lot of fun, Ezra had a great time learning about soccer and Evie loved the bubbles. Tomorrow we might go and explore Mission Bay

June 21st

Auntie Kimmy was able to see Olivia today, she and Crystal spent the morning with her while the kids and I held down the fort here at "the house". Olivia's surgeon stopped by bedside with one of his associates and explained to Crystal that after seeing the CT scan Olivia is not a candidate for the "hybrid" surgery they had been considering, she will be getting the full Norwood. He also handed the case to his associate as he is leaving the state. I guess Crystal showed a little concern in her face and Livie's nurse said "Oh don't be at all concerned, we call him Peter Perfect, he is great". :-) Well it is all in God's hands anyway so we "Trust, Pray and Obey! Olivia's numbers must be perfect for 3 days before she can have the surgery and she still has a little kidney thing going on, not much but enough to hold things off for a few more days. So she is still growing and gaining, up to 6lbs.... Everything else is status quo and that is good. Tomorrow the kids and I will go to the Del Mar fair with Kimmy and her friend, lots of fun animals to look at, it will feel good to take an outing.